Joy in the Journey

I awoke this morning at 2:45am to what sounded like faint coughing. I looked at the baby monitor and noticed dark blotches all over the crib… Shiloh was still laying there attempting to sleep. I went in and was greeted by the stench of vomit. Baby boy stood up and I noticed he was shaking. The vomit was red, and all over the crib. All over my son. It’s the fist time he’s been sick.

Today is his second birthday . .  .

He got sick several more times, once on and over my shoulder as I held him in the kitchen and sang a lullaby to him telling him he was going to be okay. I realized I was wearing my “Find Joy in the Journey” shirt that I had purchased in the early months of motherhood. It became a night shirt last month when I got a couple of bleach stains on it after cleaning the bath tub (we typically NEVER use bleach to clean). It’s the same shirt that I wore for the first time to noon prayer at church only to have Shiloh spit up on me as an infant before we even made it into the sanctuary. Spit up then as a baby, vomit now as a toddler.

I find myself tired and cranky from the events of the early morning and day. I wanted to do something special to celebrate him, but I feel that the Lord is reminding me of two things: finding joy in the journey and resting.

I’m blessed to have made it two years without Shiloh having any real illness. He’s yet to even have a fever. I’m sure over the course of his life he will have more days like this. And I’m sure as a mama my heart will break just a little with each day he isn’t feeling 100%. But I will try to find joy in the journey—in the hard, messy, scary moments of motherhood. I will try not to allow fear to grip me and steal my joy, because God is greater. If He can calm a storm and walk on waves, I can be that strong, unwavering, pillar Baby Boy needs in times of sickness. After all, His strength is made perfect in my weakness. The past two years have been quite a journey. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world. ❤

Happy Birthday Baby Boy.

P.S. The red was from blueberries he had with dinner last night (Whew). 😉

 

Take Courage

Photo I took Wednesday at Pass-a-Grille beach in St. Petersburg, Florida. The water was so still, so calm . . .

It’s been about and hour and half since my phone rang at 4:20am. Since I have it set to “do not disturb” where only certain numbers come through, I knew who it was: Mom’s nurse at her assisted living facility. She went to the hospital last week after laying on the floor most of the night after a fall. This morning the nurse said she had a laceration on her arm and her knee but was confused and didn’t recall falling. She also told me there was blood in her room on one of her figurines . . . (Mom had called the nurse from the bathroom).

She asked mom if she wanted to go to the hospital and she said no. So, she asked what I wanted to do. I advised her to keep an eye on her and I’d call in the morning (later on in the morning) to check in. I had just talked to mom last night and while she has been having issues remembering little things and I knew she is still sick and weak, she seemed “okay”.

I laid there in bed attempting to fall back asleep, holding my belly, feeling Little One move about, and my mind started going a million miles a minute. I thought about mom and all that is going on with her. I thought about my ankle and the pain I have been experiencing from day-to-day activities. I thought about my baby and the troubles he or she would experience in this life.

Then the Lord took hold of me. (Really, He never let me go.) I kept hearing the chorus of a Bethel Music song run through my mind, “Take courage my soul. Stay steadfast my soul. He’s in the waiting.”

I began to recite Psalm 23 in my mind. I began to meditate on the hope believers have in Him. Life is but a test for what is to come in eternity and how we navigate through this life will determine how eternity is spent even as believers, as we will stand before the judgement seat and give account for all we did good and bad (1 Corinthians 4:5; Revelation 22:12). Oh how I long to hear, “Well done my good and faithful servant!”

But I must take courage. You must take courage. Mom must take courage. We ALL must take courage in this life.

And with that, I hear the first bird singing morning salutations. It’s as if he or she is shouting, “Take courage!” May you find the courage you need in the One who is above all things and worthy to be trusted. Enjoy this song, and this day!

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Lizard Shenanigans

Photo credit to http://www.wdw360.com

These little (sometimes big) guys are everywhere. If I let Dallas out on the back porch before going out and scaring them off, he’s sure to catch and kill one . . .

Yesterday I spotted a little guy (not THAT little) on the wall in our bedroom . . . I went to the kitchen, got a Tupperware bowl and a thin magazine in hopes of trapping it and sliding the magazine between the wall and bowl to contain it in order to release it outside.

I had no such luck.

The thing was so fast and I was afraid of squishing its fragile body with the rim of the bowl. It disappeared behind the wardrobe closet . . .

Once Casey came home he tried to find it with no luck. Bummer.

There have been many times over the years that I have found a dried up lizard around the house while cleaning. I know. It’s just a lizard. But it still stings a little. I think about the suffering it endured. The pain and fear of not knowing where to go, or how to get food or water. It is a slow death for the lizard.

This morning while getting ready my thoughts returned to the lizard. Where was he now? Did Dallas find him in the night and eat him? Is he still cowering in fear somewhere?

If only he would have trusted me to catch him so I could return him to his home.

I know what’s best for him. He needs to return to the great outdoors so he can be among other lizards and have food to eat.

Photo via Flickr Creative Commons

But he thought he knew better, and in running from me, was running to his death.

This hit me hard this morning. How many times has the Father tried to gently, carefully, capture our hearts—our attention— to bring us home to our identity in Him, but we run in the opposite direction out of fear and misunderstanding? We run to that which won’t bring life, but instead will bring death, either physical or spiritual (or both)?

We compromise our faith by moving in with a boyfriend/girlfriend before marriage in order to save money. We stop attending church because we feel too convicted and aren’t quite ready to take up our cross. We don’t tithe out of fear of not having enough in the future. All the while Papa is saying, “Come to me, I want to help you have life and have it more abundantly.”

I can relate to all of the above examples I gave. But I can attest to a life changed when I finally decided to let God capture me and to live a life obedient to His word. Casey and I didn’t move in together until after our wedding day. Our wedding night was our first night in the same bed. I used to avoid church because I knew I wasn’t living a lifestyle that brought honor or glory to God. Now I want to be in church because if there is anything in me that isn’t bringing Him glory, I want it to be brought to light so I can deal with it. I used to not tithe because I feared not having enough. Ha! Let me tell you . . . that’s a whole testimony in and of itself, but ever since I started tithing faithfully I have never been without. I’ve heard it said that tithing isn’t giving, it’s simply not stealing (10%). God has given us all that we have, and the only time He says to test Him in the Bible is with tithing. Casey and I are stepping out in faith and deciding to give more beyond the 10% God asks for. He is faithful. It all belongs to him anyway, and we can’t take it with us! 😉

I’m not perfect. Trust me. However, I am constantly examining my life, my motives, my words, and my actions so that I can be more like my Savior, my Lord. I want nothing more than to reflect His love to the broken world around me. I want to remain captured by His love, and I have found that a life lived in obedience to the Father is a life full of peace, joy, and blessings. Do I still mess up? You bet, but my identity is not in my current circumstances, but who God says I am. I repent, pick myself back up, and continue running the race in the right direction and with the best coach.

So I want to ask you today, are you that lizard that is out of the environment you know you are meant to be in? Are you running from the Father who truly desires to help restore your identity and return you to where you belong? If so, don’t merely slow down, but STOP. Stop running. Listen for His voice. He loves you and is ready to upgrade your life in ways you can’t even imagine. ❤

Where is the Love?

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. — 2 Chronicles 7:14

This world is in need of a heart transplant. I don’t watch the news, but I still hear about it. We need to be praying harder than ever for our families, for our nation, for our WORLD. We need to stop being so self-centered, angry, and violent, and treat others as we would like to be treated. We are allowing the enemy to win. But God knows how the story ends. And this is only the beginning.

Everlasting Love

This week Casey and I are celebrating three years of marriage. Tuesday, May 17th was our actual anniversary. It doesn’t seem possible that three years have passed already!

While our vows will never fade, I must admit, the happiness and enthusiasm I felt on that day does at times. For better or worse. In sickness and health. It sounds so much easier at the time of saying it. Then life happens. You get hurt, upset, and say stupid things you wish had never passed your lips.

Divorce isn’t an option (for us anyway). We made a covenant before God and plan to honor that all the days of our lives. That doesn’t mean it will be easy. It means that we will have to work harder at working through our problems and learn to communicate better.

Photo I took using salt from Israel from the Dead Sea. We used it in our salt covenant.

Thankfully, we have plenty of time to get this communication thing down. We don’t have to fear one person walking out on the marriage. It’s just not an option. Marriage is a constant work in progress. It is learning to grow together and learn together.

I think too many times people run off of their feelings (preaching to myself here), and feelings can get us into a heap of trouble. When we come to accept Christ and are born again in spirit, our soul doesn’t get an automatic overhaul. No, our mind, will, and emotions need to be renewed in order to line up with Holy Spirit. And when you are used to acting or reacting one way for so long, you can bet it is going to take some work to establish a new pattern of thinking and behavior.

I think about my marriage. In three years we have had disagreements, disappointments, and hurt feelings. However, that doesn’t mean we love one another any less. Our love is everlasting, because that is what we vowed on the beach three years ago Tuesday. He could cheat on me, abuse me, emotionally abuse me (not that he would ever do those things), and I may temporarily leave for my own safety, but you better believe I would be interceding for him every single day. I know he would do the same with me. God is a God of restoration. Satan wants families and marriages torn apart. God does not.

Perhaps you aren’t married and you can’t relate to this post. Ahhh, but you can. If you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you have an everlasting love—one that is greater than any earthly love. How awesome is that? His love will never fail. He will never walk out on you. He will always believe the best in you. His love is unconditional.

“The LORD appeared to him from afar, saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with loving kindness.” —Jeremiah 31:3

His love is right there with you. Open up the Bible, His love story to the world, and discover just what He thinks of you. You are so very special, so very loved, and nothing you could ever do could change the Father’s love for you. ❤

Rain, Rain, Rain

Photo found here.

It just keeps coming down. Earlier this morning a thunderstorm blew in, and the torrents of wind and rain were terrifying to drive in. I found it so difficult to see 10 feet in front of me and had to be careful not to hit a puddle and hydroplane.

Four hours have passed and it’s still pouring down. We haven’t had rain like this in awhile. The land must be thirsty, and God has opened His hand. It’s crazy to think that yesterday I was at the beach in the water on a beautiful, sunny day. Today, there isn’t much sun to be found.

But it’s there, hidden behind the clouds.

It’s days like this I often find it difficult to get motivated. There is something about the rain that makes you want to curl up in bed all day and just sleep. It’s wet out, and people would much rather stay inside.

But sometimes we need to get wet.

It wakes us up. It refreshes us. I remember as a child, and even sometimes as an adult, standing in the rain with my face to the heavens and my arms outstretched. There is something about the rain that makes me want to get up, go outside, and get wet, but only if I have no where to be afterwards and/or have time for a shower! 🙂

I want to encourage you to embrace today and all that it brings. There is always a blessing to be found. Remember, the sun is still shining even if you can’t see it. I can hear the birds’ song now . . . ❤

Taming the Tongue

 

I snapped this photo while making deliveries for my business. It looked so peaceful there!

“With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.” —‭‭James‬ ‭3:9-12‬ ‭

This morning the reading assignment in my Life Journal reading plan was the book of James, only 5 short chapters, but full of so much wisdom! Wow! Each time I read this book it seems I get more revelation and more and more color highlights my Bible. The tongue is such a powerful thing… I used to use it to destroy others, including my husband… I couldn’t believe that I had just praised God, listening to and singing worship music, and then resorted to my old fleshly ways of letting anger (and the devil) take hold of me. I’m in my Bible each day, I’ve been through deliverance, so what gives?

It’s a renewing of the mind, a recognizing of old patterns rising up that need to be suppressed (uprooted rather) and countered with Truth.

You can get rid of the demon but without closing the door that was opened to them in the first place, you can’t expect different results. It comes down to recognizing trigger points for the anger, the addiction, the depression, the anxiety, the (fill in blank) and taking them captive, because each time we give in, we give the devil a foothold, and soon it will become a stronghold (Eph. 4:27).

As believers, we CAN find freedom from that which has bound us from childhood. It takes some work on our part though—meeting God halfway. It takes 21 days to form a new habit. That can be difficult after a lifetime of acting/reacting out of the flesh, but it’s possible. It has been over a year since I’ve had an angry outburst that left me feeling like a failure and hypocrite (this is what Satan wants).

Our first visit to the beach this year on Resurrection Sunday. FREEDOM!

Do I still get angry? Sure. Do I raise my voice at times? Yes. But I am now able to recognize it and repent of it before it goes any further to insults or throwing things… Repentance is key if you want to change. Don’t let pride get the best of you and go to bed angry holding on to bitterness. If you do, that stronghold will surely be formed, and it will be easier to keep repeating the same behavior.

I hope to some day not even get to the point of raising my voice, but rather be taken from glory to glory, becoming more and more like the Father. Humility is of utmost importance. It’s not easy, but it makes all the difference.

 
If you can relate to anything I have written, know that there is hope. Christ wants you free from the bondage of your flesh. No medication can help issues that are rooted in your childhood, your past. It may help by unplugging the “check engine” light, but you will likely find yourself fighting the same demons and wondering why you can’t have the freedom that God’s word speaks of.

We were meant for more. We don’t have to be our addiction, our disability, our depression, our disease, our anxiety. We don’t have to own it as our identity, our label. Jesus wants to take that from us and give us HIS identity. Oh beloved, we were made for so much MORE! Believe it. Receive it. Repent of ungodly thoughts, actions, and words spoken. Most importantly, forgive yourself. We are our own worst critic.

Here are some books I recommend for further reading:

–The Holy Bible (Duh! 😜)

–Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer

–12 Power Thoughts by Joyce Meyer

–Think like Heaven by Bob Hazlett

–Root Issues by Mayra Leon

Disclaimer: I have been set free from depression, anxiety, fear, and a host of other strongholds through deliverance, prayer, and seeking hard after the Lord. This is not to imply that demonic influence is at the root of every issue, but I know from experience that it is for many. I assist with deliverance ministry and have seen people set free from things that doctors said they would struggle with for a lifetime and take meds for. I am one of them. For more information on this ministry, check out Above & Beyond Counseling Ministries.

Pruning Time

Photo taken by Yotoen and shared via Flickr Creative Commons. See it here.

“Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.” —John 15:2

Last week I finally took to pruning the Peace Lilie’s I had on my porch. The large one was delivered to me last January from the Premier Designs’ prayer team after my ankle fusion surgery (thanks Mike Glenn). 🙂 I received a smaller one a few days before my surgery at our housewarming party. It was a gift from Christian humorist and author Deb Coty. Needless to say, after over a year or neglect (hey, I watered them when their leaves drooped), I finally decided to prune them.

There was a problem though . . . I didn’t know the first thing about pruning something! Mom had a green thumb and I, well, I guess you could say I have a black thumb and it’s not from being in plant soil! There were 39 text messages between mom and I regarding pruning the lilies as well as my Gerber daisy (I was feeling brave). I included many pictures to ensure I was doing it properly. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Question: how far down do I cut the Peace Lily?

Mom: Each old leaf down to the base.

(I sent her pics from the gun range earlier)

Mom: What happened to the Peace Lily?

Me: Nothing. I’m pruning it.

When you don’t have pruning shears, kitchen scissors will work. Kind of.

Mom: Have fun! Remember you can’t hurt it.

Me: I feel like I’m killing it! LOL!

Mom: It will look great in no time.

It took a lot more time than I had anticipated, and my back was hurting quite a bit. Truth is, it was painful for the both of us, but the end result was amazing. It probably took me an hour or so, and I kept thinking how much less work it would have been had I stayed on top of it from the beginning . . .

It was a fresh start for the plants. I felt a little lighter as well. There is something about the process of pruning that excites me. As with uprooting, it’s the process of getting rid of the old to make way for the new. It’s clearing out the dead so that the living can thrive. Isn’t that what Jesus instructs us to do? Change can be good, though sometimes painful. In the moment of pruning it’s difficult to see the buds that it will produce but when they bloom, we remember.

Is there some pruning you need to do in your life? Spring is among us! 🙂

Someone found a use for the trimmed leaves.

This little guy was hiding in here the whole time I was pruning it (including carrying it through the house).

 

 

Life Beyond Death

  

“Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.” —John 5:24

The other day while driving, I saw several fields of dead grass. They seemed so lifeless—so barren. It wasn’t long before I noticed that beyond the fields were green wooded areas. Life. 

I thought about life on this earth and how we are passing through trial after trial. Our view of life may be very much like this dead field. Perhaps we are going through a rough season and aren’t sure we have the strength to make it through. We can rest assured that we will get to the greenery again, whether in this life or the next.

Your woods are waiting. Find your hope in the shelter and shade of the Father who loves you more than you can fathom. 💞

There is Hope

 

I love this verse. It speaks of the promises of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Are you currently walking in darkness? Are you longing for the smallest flicker of light to illuminate your path? If so, reach out to the One who holds the torch. He loves you more than you know and is ready to light your way.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.