Fear not . . .

If there is one thing that holds us back from our maximum potential, I’d say it’s fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what others may think of us. Fear of failure. I once heard that fear is faith in the opposite kingdom—I couldn’t agree more.

My poor atrophied leg and fused ankle . . . :-(

My poor atrophied leg and fused ankle . . . 😦

I trust God with my healing. At least I think I do. But then I see stuff like this and get scared. The “what if’s” come flooding in: What if the fusion doesn’t work? What if my gait is off due to my femoral rod being externally rotated  fifteen degrees, and I need to have that fixed? What if this surgery doesn’t work, and I need to have my foot amputated? The list goes on and on. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband who reassures me. “What if it DOES work?” he said in response to my tearful (and fearful) plea of “what if’s.” I asked if he would still love me if I had to have it amputated (the fear was talking here), and he replied, “I’ll love you if you had to have ALL of your limbs amputated.” Really? Are you serious? That IS unconditional love.

Yesterday I took a fall from my crutches during my attempt to carry clothes to the bathroom while crutching along. (Hey, I’ve done it before and had already made it halfway across the house. ;-)) I was carelessly “swinging” the crutch under the arm on my “good” side and didn’t quite swing it enough for my next step. Down went Jennifer clothes and all.

In the process of falling I put weight on my ankle. As I laid there on the ground, fear came in full force. It took me a minute to cry, because I was still registering what had just happened and thinking of how stupid it was of me to have been to clumsy. Then the floodgates opened. I began to panic. The “what if’s” returned. What if I messed up the fusion and this surgery was done in vain? etc.

I called Florida Orthopedic Institute and spoke to the emergency operator (or whatever she was called), and after her telling me to calm down several times, was told that my doctor would call me. After about 20 minutes, my phone rang. It was my doctor’s fellow. He said that stepping on it a couple of times shouldn’t affect anything because the cast is pretty protective. But that isn’t what I am concerned about. It’s the weight bearing that is the problem. What if the screws, plates, etc. moved slightly and cause a malunion or nonunion? (Here we go again.)

Fear is faith in the opposite kingdom, False Evidence Appearing Real (FEAR), and we should Forward All Issues To Heaven (FAITH). (I didn’t come up with any of those, and I am not sure who did quite frankly.)

Leaving Florida Orthopedic Institute after getting my cast put on. The gasket on there is for me to put a bone growth stimulator in there for 20 minutes a day. (I am still waiting to hear from insurance about that.)

Leaving Florida Orthopedic Institute after getting my cast put on. The gasket on there is for me to put a bone growth stimulator in there for 20 minutes a day. (I am still waiting to hear from insurance about that.)

Tomorrow I have an appointment to see my doctor and get an x-ray. In the meantime, I am trying to get rid of the “what if’s” and focus on trust, faith, and peace. It’s not easy, especially when all you can do is sit around all day and THINK. But I am spending time in God’s word, spending time with Him in prayer, and implementing positive self-talk.

Perhaps you have fear in some area of your life. Perhaps you have fear about your health like me. Maybe you aren’t sure how you are going to pay your mortgage. Perhaps your future is unclear and you simply can’t stop worrying about what is next. I want to encourage you to embark on this journey with me in really paying attention to the thoughts we think and the words we speak. The key is to replace the lies with Truth.

I believe that when we really know God’s character and our identity in Him, we can look at situations differently through the Spirit rather than the flesh. God is faithful. He truly does want to carry our burdens for us. It’s a matter of letting Him do so. ❤

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. —1 Timothy 1:7

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself–nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
—FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT, First Inaugural Address, Mar. 4, 1933

Here is a link for more Bible verses about fear: http://www.openbible.info/topics/fear

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