Letting Go

Our tree that keeps us from needing to purchase furniture for that side of the living room (another reason I don't want to take it down!) :-)

Our tree that keeps us from needing to purchase furniture for that side of the living room (another reason I don’t want to take it down). 🙂

I stare at the Christmas tree in the living room of our new home and am hesitant to take it down, just as I was hesitant to pull out of the driveway of mom’s old home yesterday after gathering the last of my belongings. I sat there gripping the steering wheel as the rain crept down my windshield, wondering why it was so difficult for me to take my foot off of the brake and press onto the gas.

I had taken mental snapshots of the hallway, the bathroom, the bedrooms, the kitchen, the living room—the spaces I occupied for so many years. The spaces Dad had occupied. They are no more. He is no more. He passed away four days ago while I was on vacation in Wisconsin. I never dreamed that I would be starting 2015 without my daddy.

I took an actual snapshot of the house with my phone before driving away, as if the picture could capture the years of life inside of that house. It’s the letting go that I find most difficult—the letting go of moments, of memories. Yet somehow, I know they are safe deep in the caverns of my heart.

Today marks the beginning of a new year—the first without my father, but a new one nonetheless. It’s going to be a journey, but thankfully not one that I have to walk alone. For me, this will be a year of letting go of things that need to be released: guilt, clutter, bitterness, unforgiveness, stress, etc. Most importantly, I will let go of the need to beat myself up when I end up grasping onto something for too long before letting it go, like this Christmas tree . . . Now that I have finally started this blog I better put it away already. Slowly but surely, one ornament at a time, it will get done. I won’t be emailing my dad to ask him to proofread my post this time (he always loved reading my blog posts). But hey, with a degree in writing and a minor in professional & technical writing, I shouldn’t need him to, right? (Yeah right!) 😉

What have you resolved to do in 2015?

See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.
~Isaiah 43:19

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The picture I snapped before driving away. Yes, there was a vacuum out on the curb. 🙂

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9 thoughts on “Letting Go

  1. Thank you for your invite. Loved your post on letting go, a lesson for all of us. Happy for your school accomplishments, sad for your loss. I recently took a house picture of the house I lived in as a child, with not so great memories. As you said we must move on, and I did ,and now my Happy House is in Christ….Love you. P.S, tonight I lead the life celebration of Ms. Audie and Ms. Dixon at STHR, please pray for me.

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  2. Looking forward to all of your posts! My Dad died when I was in college and “letting go” was so important….it still is. Our “pictures” or memories can be wonderful reminders of those we loved and love. Thank you for sharing your writing with us!

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    • Thank you Rick! I am so sorry for the loss of your father. It’s never easy, no matter how old/young you are when it happens. Thank God we have a Heavenly Father that will NEVER leave us! Thanks for following! 💗

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  3. Hi Jen. This post is wonderful and I can so relate. My father died when I was 12, but the love he showed to my mother, my sisters and to me was enough to instill confidence in us for a lifetime. Losing your parents changes things, but thankfully, God can fill all those voids. As for picking up (more submissions in writing) and letting go (limit my time on technology), 2015 should be a year to remember. I love your new home and can only imagine the memories God will help you and Casey create there. Blessings, sweet friend.

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    • Thank you so much Cheryl. I had visited your blog yesterday and was in the midst of typing up a comment from my phone when I lost the whole thing. :-/ I plan on making it over there today. I need to make a new post (my goal is once a week) but with all I have had going on, I just haven’t been able to yet. I plan to though. 😉 Thank you so much for your kind words and for “warming” our home! ❤

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  4. Please accept my sympathy on the loss of your dad. I am the last surviving member of my family, and it feels so strange. Mom has been gone for over 30 years, Dad has been gone for almost 10 years, and sister Cathie died a couple of years ago – you never stop missing them and loving them, but the intensity of the pain does fade. It will pop up in full force once in a while, because true love never dies, but it does get easier to manage. It was years before I could read my mom’s old letters – seeing her handwriting made her absence too real and was more than I could bear. But now those letters are a blessing to me. Thank you for sharing your dad’s music – it is wonderful!! There is so much kindness and warmth in his voice. The same kindness and warmth appears in your writing – you are indeed his legacy. 🙂 Blessings and shalom, sister

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    • Thank you so much Sue. Your comment brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for all of the losses that you haven endured. It has definitely been tough. I have so many little keepsakes from him, and came across some of his texts and emails when cleaning out my email and phone. I am trying to compile a slideshow for his Celebration of Life in March and it’s difficult. I’m dealing with a lot of emotions from this surgery as well, so that doesn’t help. Just pressing in, reading God’s Word, and listening to Todd White and Dan Mohler when I get the chance. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. Blessings. ❤

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  5. Pingback: The Simple Life | The Wind, the Waves, and the Anchor

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